LITTLE ORDERED BITS OF MY DISORDERED LIFE. Chapter 2.
(Continuation).
She counts the coins. She has thirty cents. If her mother gives her another thirty she'll can buy a good quantity of jelly beans. Begoña repeats several times that are bad for the teeth and besides that, she is fat. But her teeth do not hurt, and at ten she does not care much about being a plump little girl. Each time she says her louder and more angry. That's why she, as soon as she gets the extra thirty cents, goes whistling towards the kiosk. In the street she meets Verónica. She is only five years old and also goes to the kiosk, so they go together. She feels older next to her, feels strong because she has to hold her hand to cross the road, she has to take care of her. Verónica knows that she is the laughing stock, but since they are both alone she does not care. That's why she does not take it badly when she asks that question.
"Why does your sister scream so much?"
But the extremely childish voice does not prevent hot heat from exploding inside her and rising to her cheeks. She's ashamed.
"My sister does not scream"-. Knowing that she does not know how to do it, and that she will notice that she lies.
"Yes, she screams, we hear her on the street," Verónica insists.
"Well, it's not her"-.She does not matter that it's not true, she is not going to recognizes it. She wants to be like the others, and in the others home, they do not scream.
"Yes".- She stares at the little girl.
"I am telling you no".
She no longer opens her mouth all the way, no longer knows if he wants the goodies. No, in the others houses there is no one person who shouts every minute, every second, tearing her voice and the eardrums of the others. That you do not know why it screams. Begoña only screams for everything. She surveys the only television, takes it to her room and makes unique use of it while others wonder why they can not watch television. And why they can not hear it when they can see it; Apparently has too much volume and annoys her to study, but she is not able to listen and has to use the helmets of the Walkman that itch in the ears. Begoña takes away the savings she keeps in the piggy bank, the hundred pesetas that his uncle gives her every time he comes home and that already add a few hundred pesetas. She also removes the radio cassette recorder double plate that the Three Wise Men have brought her, to continuously put "El último de la fila", which she likes, but for some strange reason can not stand. She knows that she will forever remember the "Sweet Sara" (Dulce Sara) and "Dear Milagros." (Querida Milagros). As she also knows that she will remember the rhythm of her steps, because she knows them very well. Because when she hears closing the door of the building she is automatically on alert, listening. And at the first strong and quick footstep she knows is she. Then she flees to Dora's room because she knows she will not go, she knows she does not want to see Dora, and she does not understand why; Never goes there. She also flees with Dora when the two argue and scream a lot, getting louder. Sometimes she gets into bed with her and tells her what she learns at school, sometimes she goes under the bed. Then her mother is going to get her out of there by calling her by her new name, Prea (dead animal).Is not so much, she remember that she was much more surprised when she called her a bitch at age six. Because that was a very ugly word that could not be said.
No, those things did not happen at home. They could not be happened. Begoña had done a hairdressing workshop and now she would cut the hair at both. Normally they were very still and quiet. But one day in the summer his mother thought she was leaving it too short. Begoña cried out. It was a simple "aaaaahhhhh", but it did shake her vocal cords, the building and her looking out the window in the same room. Begoña threw the scissors into the air and fell to the ground a couple of meters away. Then she slammed the door. And her mother sat in a chair in the middle of the room, her hair half wet and half cut. She wanted to go and tell her to finish cutting her hair, but she did not dare. Nor did she dare to say anything on the day she was drawing on the kitchen table. They screamed at her side, it bothered her a lot but she had already gotten used to it. Begoña wanted money and her mother did not want to give it, it was a lot of money. So Begoña threw her to the ground and went to her room. When her mother got up crying and went to buy the bread she could not speak. Then she said she was going to buy candies, but she spent the morning wandering around the neighborhood. The next day was Saturday and her mother gave Begoña money to go and buy clothes, and like every Saturday for many years she sent her with her. She knew she did not want to go with her, she had asked her many times not to send her with her, but she did not listen to her. She wanted to stay home alone and did not care how to do it, she wanted her weekly peace time. But Saturday mornings were a bad day. Begoña had long steps, she was going through life on the road. Now it was not so hard to follow her, but she remembered when she was six or seven years old she was not able to walk so fast, so she ran after her and people were looking at her. They did not talk all morning, Begoña and she never spoke. She was afraid she would say something or ask her a question because she did not know what to answer so she would not scream. It was worse when she had to buy clothes to her. She had to say that everything Begoña chose liked her, and be careful not to catch looking at something she liked not to call her atention in the middle of the store and shout that she was just like her mother:a tacky and furniture without a brain . Because that was embarrassing, and scary.
Jo March.
She counts the coins. She has thirty cents. If her mother gives her another thirty she'll can buy a good quantity of jelly beans. Begoña repeats several times that are bad for the teeth and besides that, she is fat. But her teeth do not hurt, and at ten she does not care much about being a plump little girl. Each time she says her louder and more angry. That's why she, as soon as she gets the extra thirty cents, goes whistling towards the kiosk. In the street she meets Verónica. She is only five years old and also goes to the kiosk, so they go together. She feels older next to her, feels strong because she has to hold her hand to cross the road, she has to take care of her. Verónica knows that she is the laughing stock, but since they are both alone she does not care. That's why she does not take it badly when she asks that question.
"Why does your sister scream so much?"
But the extremely childish voice does not prevent hot heat from exploding inside her and rising to her cheeks. She's ashamed.
"My sister does not scream"-. Knowing that she does not know how to do it, and that she will notice that she lies.
"Yes, she screams, we hear her on the street," Verónica insists.
"Well, it's not her"-.She does not matter that it's not true, she is not going to recognizes it. She wants to be like the others, and in the others home, they do not scream.
"Yes".- She stares at the little girl.
"I am telling you no".
She no longer opens her mouth all the way, no longer knows if he wants the goodies. No, in the others houses there is no one person who shouts every minute, every second, tearing her voice and the eardrums of the others. That you do not know why it screams. Begoña only screams for everything. She surveys the only television, takes it to her room and makes unique use of it while others wonder why they can not watch television. And why they can not hear it when they can see it; Apparently has too much volume and annoys her to study, but she is not able to listen and has to use the helmets of the Walkman that itch in the ears. Begoña takes away the savings she keeps in the piggy bank, the hundred pesetas that his uncle gives her every time he comes home and that already add a few hundred pesetas. She also removes the radio cassette recorder double plate that the Three Wise Men have brought her, to continuously put "El último de la fila", which she likes, but for some strange reason can not stand. She knows that she will forever remember the "Sweet Sara" (Dulce Sara) and "Dear Milagros." (Querida Milagros). As she also knows that she will remember the rhythm of her steps, because she knows them very well. Because when she hears closing the door of the building she is automatically on alert, listening. And at the first strong and quick footstep she knows is she. Then she flees to Dora's room because she knows she will not go, she knows she does not want to see Dora, and she does not understand why; Never goes there. She also flees with Dora when the two argue and scream a lot, getting louder. Sometimes she gets into bed with her and tells her what she learns at school, sometimes she goes under the bed. Then her mother is going to get her out of there by calling her by her new name, Prea (dead animal).Is not so much, she remember that she was much more surprised when she called her a bitch at age six. Because that was a very ugly word that could not be said.
No, those things did not happen at home. They could not be happened. Begoña had done a hairdressing workshop and now she would cut the hair at both. Normally they were very still and quiet. But one day in the summer his mother thought she was leaving it too short. Begoña cried out. It was a simple "aaaaahhhhh", but it did shake her vocal cords, the building and her looking out the window in the same room. Begoña threw the scissors into the air and fell to the ground a couple of meters away. Then she slammed the door. And her mother sat in a chair in the middle of the room, her hair half wet and half cut. She wanted to go and tell her to finish cutting her hair, but she did not dare. Nor did she dare to say anything on the day she was drawing on the kitchen table. They screamed at her side, it bothered her a lot but she had already gotten used to it. Begoña wanted money and her mother did not want to give it, it was a lot of money. So Begoña threw her to the ground and went to her room. When her mother got up crying and went to buy the bread she could not speak. Then she said she was going to buy candies, but she spent the morning wandering around the neighborhood. The next day was Saturday and her mother gave Begoña money to go and buy clothes, and like every Saturday for many years she sent her with her. She knew she did not want to go with her, she had asked her many times not to send her with her, but she did not listen to her. She wanted to stay home alone and did not care how to do it, she wanted her weekly peace time. But Saturday mornings were a bad day. Begoña had long steps, she was going through life on the road. Now it was not so hard to follow her, but she remembered when she was six or seven years old she was not able to walk so fast, so she ran after her and people were looking at her. They did not talk all morning, Begoña and she never spoke. She was afraid she would say something or ask her a question because she did not know what to answer so she would not scream. It was worse when she had to buy clothes to her. She had to say that everything Begoña chose liked her, and be careful not to catch looking at something she liked not to call her atention in the middle of the store and shout that she was just like her mother:a tacky and furniture without a brain . Because that was embarrassing, and scary.
Jo March.
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